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Blog reader who got pregnant at 14 years old while in JSS 3 urgently needs your advice

Pregnant-Girl

Our fellow blog reader who got pregnant at 14-years while she was in JSS seriously needs our advice on this. Her story is a bit long, but please be patient and read to the end.

Good day laila and blog family,its a very long post I pray it gets posted.
Permit me to make it into segments(I)i write with a heavy heart but i know your advises will leasen my load.
THIS IS THE STORY OF MY LIFE AND I NEED ADVICE AT THE END.
I chose to seek counsel on this blog because so far i have seen you all as a family of non judgmental human beings(in other news we don’t have judgina’s here😅right? 😆)It all started 2004 when i was in J.ss 3 i was 14 then,before the time for paying for junior WEAC registration,it happened that my elder brother i was living with newly got married that period of time(we are orphans)i kept pressing him to get money to enroll for the examination because then my brain bin dey hot for book, but he claimed he hadn’t no money left,at the end before they stopped the registration i had to get something doing to help myself and na so una sister take jam her waterloo o😢i went to a building site near the house and was amongst those fetching water for them i was also the youngest laborer in that site then,at the end i kept putting the money together to enable me meet up(i always go into the menial job when my bro and his wife leave for the market )so they never knew about it & at the end i will hid the money i got under the carpet in the kitchen,how my brother’s wife got to know about the money and her reaction after seeing it is story for another day.3days into the job the engineer in charge of the site started his own wahala by withholding my pay,i was determined to get the money i needed so I kept working hoping that at the end before school resumption he will pay me all in full since the first 3days pay my bros wife has seized it claiming i stole it from them nothing i said made sense to her.he continued withholding my pay and i continued working till i know i have worked up to the amount i needed to sort my bills in school,so i asked for my pay in full and there comes a twist to the matter,he claimed he will give me my money only if i slept with him and {in my young mind i labelled him a wicked man not knowing he’s actually Satan himself}a phidrophile,he was way over 40 then so i decided to leave the money for him but i couldn’t,i confided in a friend then and all she could advice is-uju its your sweat don’t let him eat it instead allow him have his way after all at the end you would have gotten money to meet your needs,i went back to him come and see his mischievous smile\in other not to bore you ladies with details,i went back to school paid my fees but didn’t seat for the junior WAEC because i was pregnant.
YES you might ask how possible that was considering my age but it happened,the signs started showing i tried as possible to curb it but couldn’t,i had to go tell him and there and then he denied me even telling me that he’s on drugs that weakens and kills the live span of his semen that i should look for any of my male age mate and lay the allegation on,that if i ever mention him that he will kill me,he bought me several abortion drugs in secret but for fear of losing my life i ended up trowing them all away,my family learnt about the belle,asked me but i never spoke up for fear of my life,i was maltreated to say but a few,again he managed to trick me,gave me some money and told me he lives in Lagos,dose business there,has a house there too since the baby refused to go out after all the drugs he gave me but he never knew i wasn’t taking them,that when i get their i should just ask of engineer in alaba market then we meet up and he will then bring me to his house………..
ISegment (2)
I tried all my best to escape and elope with him and finally,when i got into my 4th month of pregnancy Una sister succeeded in eloping but what i went through in search of him in Lagos waz UNFATHOMABLE,i entered night bus from upper iweka en-route Lagos,landed early in the morning and needed not be told i was in another world,the search for him ensued i got the service of a bike guy who told me alaba is 3 in Lagos o,Ojo alaba, alaba suru and alaba international and i asked him to take me to the 3 places he asked and i told him what brought me to Lagos{bike man offered to help look for him with me and that if we find him that he will act as if he the bike man is my brother and fight the said”ENGINEER}and before i ended my search i accumulated a dept of 4000 without seeing whom i came to look for i paid,to say i was diverstated is an understatement,i asked the bike man in a tinny voice with all the strength left in me-oga where can i buy food and he offered to take me there for free after wards he left.
After eating i still sat down there not knowing what to do next,i was in short of cash to go back to onitsha if i wanted to go back,when the owners wanted to close for the day,they came asking me in turns what the problem was and i narrated everything to them
Restaurants owner:
Nne wetin be the man name?
Me:engineer
Resturant owner:
Where him phone number?
Me:eeh i forgot it in my school locker in onitsha
Restaurant owner:how him be and where e tell you say him from?
Me:i never asked him and he never told me.
They started telling me All:you no know person na him you go open leg carry belle for am well na small pikins life shaa?
Restaurant owner:nne you don jam tipper wey carry over load o,wetin you go come do na?
Me:i no know ma
Luckily for me she was igbo and that was how i managed to go home with them that night and had a roof over my head,the next morning she asked me to follow them to the shop that she will talk to some of her costumers to know if they could give me some money to use for transport and go back to my family in the east but if not that most of her customers where luxurious drivers that she can even beg them to patch an attachment for me for free,then if they refused that she will look for money an pay for an attachment seat for me………..
Segment [3]
I started crying 😩begging the restaurant owner to help me get a house girl job or any kind of job,that I don’t want to go back to my people that they will kill me for getting pregnant and disappearing from the house,after much plea she told me that the restaurant business requires the hands of many,that she will employ me then as costumers are coming in i should be watchful,may be the engineer might want to come and eat in her shop one day and i will catch him,she will give me shelter,feed me and pay me 200 daily which I must be saving in waiting for when I will deliver so that I can use the money to take care of my bills.
I was happy not because of the pay but because even though I didn’t see engineer I will not go back to my brother and his wife,I started work immediately and worked with all my heart and even in my situation I was always a happy girl in anticipation of my baby’s arrival.i never minded peoples side talks about me being a Child and a child is in me(the pregnancy)and yet they where making advances at me but i never gave in,i will always tell my madam about her costumers wanting to sleep with me and she will warn the person sometimes she will ask such people to stop coming to her shop that they don’t have human sympathy.
After few months the husband to the lady will try at any given opportunity to sleep with me,telling me he enjoys sleeping with a pregnant women because of the warmth of her Totoh,but I always refused him main reason i refused him is
(1)i thought he would increase to my sufferings,like if he do it, instead of me having 1 baby i will have 2 or as much as the times he sleeps with me but know i know better cos its not so
(2)i knew it wont be fair to pay back such a kind woman in that manner-I MEAN SLEEPING WITH HER HUSBAND,he tried enticing me with petty things which I refused,example-he likes buying me fruits telling me a pregnant woman needs FRUITS and the baby in her womb needs SPERM but i always rejected whatever he bought and sometimes his wife not knowing what usually happens before he brings the fruits to her,will always tell me Uju i don’t know why you hate my husband and don’t like eating anything he buys,i will want to open up to her what goes on at her back but i wouldn’t know how to go about it,after several attempts and he failed to get in between my thighs he now went into emotional blackmails telling his wife that I always try to seduce him at her absence,that its guilty conscience that is making me not to eat things when he buys them,that i do begging and telling him how my pregnant condition makes me hunger for a man to always be sleeping with me all that……
Segment (4)
He succeeded in deceiving his his wife to drive me out,that she don’t know me,she’s not from my state and that if anything bad happens to me (my enemy)in this pregnancy that he will leave her to carry the blame alone.i heard everything he told her and i blamed myself for not telling her first,i waited for the worst-the next morning she shouted my name in the worst mood i have ever seen her since i started staying with her,I FORGOT TO ADD THAT AFTER EAVESDROPPING INTO THEIR CONVERSATION THAT NIGHT I COULD NOT SLEEP.
Restaurant owner:-Uju so after all i have done for you abi,i have never done something GOOD for a fellow human being being like me and they pay me WITH good,OK i see-its because i took you in and did not allow you wander about in Lagos so that you will end up sleeping from park to parks and agboro’s will use you to do pepper soup turn by turn in the night,ingrates like you always end up paying me back with evil,remember how you came to Lagos and how i took you in,you still tried to go and see if you could seduce my husband,thank God for the kind of man I married,if it where other men they wouldn’t mind sleeping with a gutter pig like you,But today you must leave my house.
Me:aunty please I never did that or thought of any bad for you I swear to God
immediately I said I swear to God she got more furious and started beating me and all the while her husband didn’t come to calm her down.
Later he came calmed her and told her that she should be grateful that he’s not the type that, she should give me 1 more chance since I don’t know anyone in Lagos to go to,she later agreed after i kept crying and begging she said unless if I will start sleeping in the shop and I agreed because I hoped that he will no longer disturb me again but after closure in shop that day,I went inside to sleep and he came later knocking on the door of the shop that I should open that he want to apologize to me for everything and that his wife asked him to bring something for her from the shop,I opened he tried again to convince me to be sleeping with him that he will even go and rent me a room I refused,he forced I shouted,ran out of his grip and started wandering about that night,some how the next morning I ran into the bike guy that carried me on my first day in lagos,he asked me how far if i have seen the man,and I tried to narrate everything to him then i was 7month gone,he took me on the bike and headed to a hotel around orile,it was a very unhealthy place where ashawo where and all that but I had no choice but to manage,he paid for a week for me and he always came around to sex with me and I said in my mind since sex is the only problem with most Lagos men and they cant help a girl without doing that to her,I gave in, became his sex slave,we practically lived together in the hotel,i asked him if he doesn’t have a house he said no that where he lived in aguda that they where 4 of them staying in the room but he will go and a get a separate room for himself because of me and my baby,if he goes out to work anytime and didn’t get any passenger he come back straight to fuck and it continued till I gave birth,God ma it so easy for me on 27/05/2005 my baby came around 6p.m,he went to my ex madam place to buy me pepper soup and agidi that day i delivered,he jokingly asked her,where is that your girl the small pregnant girl and she told him how i tried to seduce her husband,how he refused and how i finally stole from her and ran away that anywhere he sees me that he should let her know because she must deal with me,he laughed,bought what he bought came back and told me what she said,after the baby was born I told him I was not going back to that hotel with my new born,he should give me money let me go back to the east,that there is no way my family will kill me and leave my son,he refused and said he loves me and want to marry me and my baby only that he dose not have the resource to do the needful.we later got accommodation in the room of one of his niece who works as a sales girl and lives alone in one room then,i noticed he lies to me a lot,and he’s niece confirmed he’s a liar,anytime she leaves for work he comes back straight to come and miss do with me if i try to stop him he will say sex is the only thing i can pay him with,and my son will lay by one side of the bed and he will be unleashing the dragon in him on me, refusal from me means he will give me the beating of my life,no money for food for me!i got tired of his character and planed my exit,one day as they both left for work in the morning,i picked my son,packed our bag,took money from his sister’s Ecolac box about 10k and ran as far as my legs could carry me,waited for taxi for a long time,immediately i entered one,i saw him driving back into the house to come and do his usual(sex)i asked the taxi drive to add speed because i know if he come out and ask around they will tell him our taxi just left and he will come after us and probably beat me to death for trying to run away from him,the taxi asked me where I’m going to,i told him any park that is not for the east because i know he will go looking for me in the parks that will be going to east,that was how i escaped from eddy and landed in ore,in my elder sister friend place………..
[9/13, 9:56 AM] Ujunwa Micheal: Segment (5)
When i got to ore my passion for schooling never died,got there started working in my sisters friend shop,made small money put my son in school and i also went back to school,studied up to ss2 and wrote the senior WAEC but did poorly in English and Government,i had to go register myself into computer learning that lasted 6months,when my son was 5yrs old,during Xmas i traveled to my village without my son to see my elder ones,my elder sis begged me that i must follow them back to onitsha,later i will go and get my son,i came back to onitsha in 2010 and started working and making some money,i was sending part of it to my baby in ore and sharing the rest with my brother, his wife and kids and my sister
I retook my WAEC in 2012 and did well,got admitted into one of the distance learning universities,was paying my school fees and that of my son from my state of little nothing,and my people will still expect me to extend hand of help to them too from a salary of 15k o,i did well in my studies was going to ore from time to time to visit my son in ore,people around will be telling me lots of things about how my son is been maltreated but i never took it to heart,i said if he dose not suffer,he might not be useful,my bro and my sis on their own part kept disturbing me that it seems i sold the baby that is why i have refused to bring him to stay in onitsha,after much talks i had to go and bring him down to onitsha since October 2014 and he started living with my brother,his wife and their children while i continued living with my sister her and her 2kids,her husband is late.
She practically left everything feeding to me she only pays the house rent and her shop rent,anytime she sees money with me,she must want to borrow without paying back,the one I swore never to leave for her is my 3k she borrowed since 10\9\2017 you can agree with me that feeding eats a lager part in the house because its a daily thing,if i should rate the house feed on 100% i will say i am the provider of 75% and it weighs me down because i cant save no matter how much comes into my hand,my brother and his wife too are always expectant of something because my son is there and i try as much as possible to reach out to them in the best ways i can even when my brother started 1bussiness he did from January to may i borrowed 25k for him cos he demanded and promised to pay back,left my then job cos they owed me 2months went and slaved myself for him because of my son yet he showed no appreciation, when he wanted to pay the money back he brought only 10k expecting me to bring the remaining balance from the moon,i told him of my plans of going to lagos to see if i can get a better paying job so as to sustain me & my boy but what he did baffled me,he stays in a flat with his family o,what did my brother do,he asked me to come and take my son,I became surprised because when my son was in ore my brother was the person dragging for me to go and bring back the boy to onitsha o,because i wanted to change environment he returned the boy to me so as to tie me put with them in onitsha,i went and took my boy even though my sister 1 room is not convinent,she plus her 2kids=3 me and my son making us 5 in 1 room and yet I’m the one that provides feeding for us all too,my son is sick and needs up to 150\180k for surgery and it bothers none of them, then any little that come into my hands instead to allow me use it to solve my problem they will want to eat it and make sure it finishes,i have 5 elder ones yet i feel so lonely and abandoned since my journey with my my son began in 2005, my story is a lengthy one but if i don’t narrate it this much i don’t know how you guys can proffer the advice i need right now…….
FINAL SEGMENT AND THIS IS WHERE I NEED YOU ALL’S SINCERE ADVICE.
My sister I’m staying with did one kind of behavior to my son,when I came back in the evening the small now dropped one statement:he said mummy do you know you are all alone in this world,I asked why he sounded like that he told me that the way my brother and sister treats him that he’s not sure if my family loves me,that if they loved me their sister that they will extend that same love to him my son,I just calmed my boy down and told him they loved him that its just training that they are trying to train him,later i asked my elder sister indirectly that so if i had died giving birth to this boy or afterwards so none of you would have been able to take care of him as your sisters son,she got angry and said i was insulting them all,These are the areas where i need advice because i have think and think but my mind cannot comprehend on what to do.
1.could it be because i refused to marry eddy my Lagos bike guy that has made no young single guy to fancy me since 2005 till now, did he place a cures on me for rejecting him?
2. I’m not fat,i no worwor, i no dey too short,or shapeless as a matter of fact if i don’t tell people about my single mamaish they wouldn’t know so whats stopping prospective husbands from noticing me kwanu? 3. Anytime a young guy try to fancy me and i tell him i have a baby boy he runs away,(just to be truthful to them abi to dey talk true na bad thing?)are single mothers not humans and are we not marriageable?
4. I am prayerful and God loving so what is really stopping my breakthrough in every area of my life is it still because i gave birth out of wedlock?
5.most importantly-Dose it mean my family dose not want my progress and that of my son or are they witches because it only witches that will continue sucking someone blood till it runs dry and they wouldn’t want to let that person go?
6.why I’m i yet to marry? I keep asking?
I clocked 27yrs old this august but i have always prayed to be married on or before am 25yrs,Or is it because i am not a rich girl because I don’t have a business of my own?
IS THAT WHY I’m yet to hook up with my own prince in shining Amour’? Marriage is one of my reasons for wanting to change environment to lagos because i believe that lagos guys mentality about a single mum is way fairer than the guys in onitsha who are so not too exposed and are too judgmental and see single mothers as the worst sinners
7. Will it be bad if i got a room and lived with my son,so as to see if i can save a little and take him for the surgery,when i tried to tell my family about me going to get a room they called a meeting for me that i want to live alone so i can hang cotton(the meant ashowo)said if i rent a room it would portray me as a prostitude,but i think they are saying it because they want me to be around them so they can continue to use me and my little resource as they feel like
8.i have always tried to keep my self and not get entangled with married men but i seem frustrated,there is this calabar man who is fragile looking,that really looks way over 65 but claims to be 50yrs old even @ 50, he’s too old,he has been on my neck since 3yrs ago,he’s not buoyantly rich but he promised me that if i accept him he will sponsor me through with my 2 remaining years in school and rent me a one room so he can be coming when he feels like.
i think,but each time i look at the man i imagine myself accepting him for friendship,and he comes to do the do and dies on top (me) my enemy,YES he’s is that old looking like someone who is looking for whom to die on top.
9.please i was thinking in my heart if i could take my son of 12yrs to a motherless home so as for me to be free and look for money i will use in taking care of him and his health,since i have relation that cant spend 100 naira for my son, will it be thoughtful of me or will my son hate me for taking him to the motherless?please i love my son and that is why i have gone through all this sufferings alone for his sake.
10.He has started asking me about his dad just because my elder brother he looked up to as a father,told my son to tell me to better go and look for his father for him,he told my son that that he’s not going to get any share from our father’s land in the village(we are igbos and such male kids have inheritance because my sons father never paid my bride price so automatically my son is our brother so why tell the young soul that he has no inheritance in his grand fathers land in the village?)the truth is i will like my son to grow up,make his own money and buy his own land for himself.
but was my brother supposed to say that to a boy of 12yrs?
Dose it mean they hate me that much but pretend to love me whenever they want to get something in my hand that they want to collect.
N. B-i have gone back to that site where i worked for the engineer who impregnated me with my son’s picture,getting to the building it happened that house has been re-sold several times and that engineer in question eat money and didn’t finish the building so the first owners sold it before it could be coted to travel travel out so he resold the current occupants who finished up the building and used it as school,the shool owners don’t even know the first engineer that started the building,me that has a son for him i don’t know his name or where he come from,i have told my son of the story of his life he keeps asking of his dad at this young age.
Should i tell him that his father is dead?
So he can stop asking me of his father, may be if i were to be married he would have seen my husband as his father so far so good, my son has been the best gift i have,even though i do get really angry at him’he still loves me and even compossed a on for me at his age-hes just 12 o.I WAS YOUNG, I WAS NAIVE BUT NOW I KNOW BETTER , please kindly read and comprehend,your advice will highly go a long way for me thank

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